I feel exactly the same regarding this!.. Teachers reminding me via my faltering grades in English that I wasn't good at reading and writing has gone on to impact every aspect of my life. I think about all the big ways it has impacted me and I'm also now seeing some of the super subtle ways it has impacted my confidence and sense of self. I was about 12/13 years old when I was told repeatedly that I didn't correctly structure my arguments and couldn't convey meaning appropriately. It was just at a different (and often lower) level than many of my peers. And it was just within the confines of the school curriculum, of course. How is that an indication that it is how it would be for everything? We place far too high value on grades obtained when we are figuring out who we are. I went on to hide my love of reading and sharing my point of view. I struggled more as I turned 14/15/16, I was an A or B grade level student in all other subjects and barely C grade in English. Being told "It was not good enough" quickly became "I am not good enough!"... I got a B at GCSE level and it still felt like I let myself and others down. It was never "good enough" unless it was better and there or thereabouts as good as "the best". This is actually a wound I have carried into everything for 20+ years. It is mind blowing. I am good enough to write and read and talk about whatever I want to. I don't have to hide myself or please others with what I do. My thoughts and words may or may not be coherent. They are not written just to meet a certain grade. So long as I am not hurting anyone with my words then I really can share what I like. I can do it for me too. It is good enough to please myself. It really is okay to just be.
Hi Em, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I think, in fact I know, you are not alone in feeling this way. I love you final sentences, 'It is good enough to please myself', I feel this way too.
Thanks for tanking the time to read and respond to my article.
Great piece! I would add (and you alluded to) that even the “winners” in the game of school are harmed by it.
I was identified as a gifted kid and was always years out of synch with my age segregated classmates. I was enraged by my lack of autonomy and also developed a strong sense of elitism that took many years to unpack. School, as a system, is a capitalist-colonialist kid factory. :( It’s also a means of survival for many families and (in some places) one of the few places for children to find community. Such a mess.
Hi Marnina, Thank you for bringing this up, yes I agree, it can be just as damaging for ‘gifted’ children.
As you said, along with all these negative issues, school can also be a safe space and the only way out of a really awful situations for some children.
This resonates with me also as an ex-teacher. I went into the profession to try to make sure other children did not suffer what I went through at school but teaching broke me. I now homeschool my two autistic boys who also came home from school with the false impression that they were failures because they weren’t good at everything. 6 months into home schooling I have managed to persuade them with the help of a fabulously inclusive art club that actually they are good at art, just that following drawing tutorials isn’t their thing. The same has been true of writing - neither will now pick up a pen and write yet I have lovely illustrated stories and poetry written by them before school started and in reception. I think the school trauma runs deep in our family and it will take many years to undo the damage the few short years my boys were at school did to them. It certainly shaped both me and my husband’s life and still has bearing on the decisions we make today. I’m determined to break that inner voice but it’s hard after you’ve lived with the inferiority for 40 years. Thank you for writing about an experience that I think many adults had and unfortunately young people are still struggling with. Thank you also for recognising that teachers do not want this to be the case but are trapped in a similar situation themselves where they are not allowed to teach the way they want to.
Hi Catherine, thank you so much for sharing your story. How wonderful that you have been able to make the move to homeschool your sons and that they are finding things they enjoy. School trauma can really be very hard for some young people.
I hear the sane story from many teachers that they are frustrated in a system that doesn’t allow them to meet the children’s needs.
Loved reading this. Thanks for your vulnerable share. I agree with so much of this and see so much of this dynamic play out in the art making spaces as so many people have been told they are not "a creative" and should not engage in art-making. We all contain different ways of engaging and learning and growing and the comparisons are so harmful.
Yes, I have experienced this too in workshops I run. So often the message as a child is, don't bother with art, you will never be an artist, don't play music, you will never be a musician.... If you won't gain anything from it (ie. money) then it's not worth doing.
This was very timely for me. I’ve been a primary school teacher for 31 years and have loved my job, particularly nurturing and making space for the tender hearted watching them flourish and grow. But I am now defeated and can no longer work in a system that has become so toxic and so far removed from that child centred education that I feel passionately about. The testing and grading have got worse and become the driving force of what is taught. There is little space for individualism, self expression or self discovery. Children are held to a particular academic standard and they, their parents and their teachers are made to feel accountable for reaching this. There is no journey any more, only the destination. I fear for the future of our children in this current system. It is a ticking time bomb of mental health, a runaway train and no one seems to be willing to put the brakes on.
Hi Lisa, Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I have chatted to many other wonderful teachers who have also echoed these thoughts. Sadly, I feel you are correct about it being a ticking time bomb of mental health issues. Schooling certainty isn’t the only cause of the ever growing rates of mental health issues in young people; the climate crisis, socio economic reasons and social media may also play a roll, but I feel it is a large contributing factor. Thank you for being this up.
Thanks for taking the time to read and follow along with my thoughts here.
I feel exactly the same regarding this!.. Teachers reminding me via my faltering grades in English that I wasn't good at reading and writing has gone on to impact every aspect of my life. I think about all the big ways it has impacted me and I'm also now seeing some of the super subtle ways it has impacted my confidence and sense of self. I was about 12/13 years old when I was told repeatedly that I didn't correctly structure my arguments and couldn't convey meaning appropriately. It was just at a different (and often lower) level than many of my peers. And it was just within the confines of the school curriculum, of course. How is that an indication that it is how it would be for everything? We place far too high value on grades obtained when we are figuring out who we are. I went on to hide my love of reading and sharing my point of view. I struggled more as I turned 14/15/16, I was an A or B grade level student in all other subjects and barely C grade in English. Being told "It was not good enough" quickly became "I am not good enough!"... I got a B at GCSE level and it still felt like I let myself and others down. It was never "good enough" unless it was better and there or thereabouts as good as "the best". This is actually a wound I have carried into everything for 20+ years. It is mind blowing. I am good enough to write and read and talk about whatever I want to. I don't have to hide myself or please others with what I do. My thoughts and words may or may not be coherent. They are not written just to meet a certain grade. So long as I am not hurting anyone with my words then I really can share what I like. I can do it for me too. It is good enough to please myself. It really is okay to just be.
Hi Em, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I think, in fact I know, you are not alone in feeling this way. I love you final sentences, 'It is good enough to please myself', I feel this way too.
Thanks for tanking the time to read and respond to my article.
Eleanor
Great piece! I would add (and you alluded to) that even the “winners” in the game of school are harmed by it.
I was identified as a gifted kid and was always years out of synch with my age segregated classmates. I was enraged by my lack of autonomy and also developed a strong sense of elitism that took many years to unpack. School, as a system, is a capitalist-colonialist kid factory. :( It’s also a means of survival for many families and (in some places) one of the few places for children to find community. Such a mess.
Hi Marnina, Thank you for bringing this up, yes I agree, it can be just as damaging for ‘gifted’ children.
As you said, along with all these negative issues, school can also be a safe space and the only way out of a really awful situations for some children.
Totally agree, such a mess!
Thanks so much for sharing.
Eleanor
This resonates with me also as an ex-teacher. I went into the profession to try to make sure other children did not suffer what I went through at school but teaching broke me. I now homeschool my two autistic boys who also came home from school with the false impression that they were failures because they weren’t good at everything. 6 months into home schooling I have managed to persuade them with the help of a fabulously inclusive art club that actually they are good at art, just that following drawing tutorials isn’t their thing. The same has been true of writing - neither will now pick up a pen and write yet I have lovely illustrated stories and poetry written by them before school started and in reception. I think the school trauma runs deep in our family and it will take many years to undo the damage the few short years my boys were at school did to them. It certainly shaped both me and my husband’s life and still has bearing on the decisions we make today. I’m determined to break that inner voice but it’s hard after you’ve lived with the inferiority for 40 years. Thank you for writing about an experience that I think many adults had and unfortunately young people are still struggling with. Thank you also for recognising that teachers do not want this to be the case but are trapped in a similar situation themselves where they are not allowed to teach the way they want to.
Hi Catherine, thank you so much for sharing your story. How wonderful that you have been able to make the move to homeschool your sons and that they are finding things they enjoy. School trauma can really be very hard for some young people.
I hear the sane story from many teachers that they are frustrated in a system that doesn’t allow them to meet the children’s needs.
Thanks for sharing
Loved reading this. Thanks for your vulnerable share. I agree with so much of this and see so much of this dynamic play out in the art making spaces as so many people have been told they are not "a creative" and should not engage in art-making. We all contain different ways of engaging and learning and growing and the comparisons are so harmful.
Yes, I have experienced this too in workshops I run. So often the message as a child is, don't bother with art, you will never be an artist, don't play music, you will never be a musician.... If you won't gain anything from it (ie. money) then it's not worth doing.
Thanks for sharing
This was very timely for me. I’ve been a primary school teacher for 31 years and have loved my job, particularly nurturing and making space for the tender hearted watching them flourish and grow. But I am now defeated and can no longer work in a system that has become so toxic and so far removed from that child centred education that I feel passionately about. The testing and grading have got worse and become the driving force of what is taught. There is little space for individualism, self expression or self discovery. Children are held to a particular academic standard and they, their parents and their teachers are made to feel accountable for reaching this. There is no journey any more, only the destination. I fear for the future of our children in this current system. It is a ticking time bomb of mental health, a runaway train and no one seems to be willing to put the brakes on.
Hi Lisa, Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I have chatted to many other wonderful teachers who have also echoed these thoughts. Sadly, I feel you are correct about it being a ticking time bomb of mental health issues. Schooling certainty isn’t the only cause of the ever growing rates of mental health issues in young people; the climate crisis, socio economic reasons and social media may also play a roll, but I feel it is a large contributing factor. Thank you for being this up.
Thanks for taking the time to read and follow along with my thoughts here.